Sonic the Hedgehog: It Doesn't Matter

It Doesn’t Matter

Indiana

Characters: Sonic the Hedgehog

Setting:  Modern Day

Synopsis: Sonic reflects on the state of the fandom and the message he no longer seems to be sending

He doesn’t look himself up on the Internet anymore.

He used to.  Not so much since the whole 2006 debacle, which he thinks is to be expected, but in recent times he’s decided he no longer wants to know.  He knew there would be backlash, but he didn’t care.  It’s a lot harder not to, though, when it’s literally staring you in the face.

It was fun a long time ago, when people thought so much more of him than they do now.  When they thought he was fun and fresh and exciting, though that he never really cared about that either.  All he ever really cared about was getting his message across, and it is this which keeps him away from fansites and Google searches and all manner of other places that confront him with his failure.  He’s done so many things, but the one thing he wanted to do, he has not.

He wanted to inspire them.

He still does.  But the probability of that happening drops each and every day, and this is so obvious that he doesn’t even have to ask Tails to calculate it for him.  He won’t give up on his goal; of course not.  But some nights he wonders why he keeps trying.  Nobody listens.  Well.  They do listen.  But they hear something he never meant to say.

He’ll continue trying until the day no one cares any longer about his involvement in anything.  That’s the day he’ll stop, and disappear, but not one second before.  And yet even he has grown discouraged, because somewhere in the squabbling over fan characters and his appearance and who should be paired with who, everyone has forgotten what he stands for.

He knows he was the stuff of dreams, once.  He was an aspiration for many, a goal for others, or merely something used to pass the time.  But everywhere he looks he finds the facsimile of what he meant to be, and it hurts.  It hurts to know he’s not who he thinks he is, who he wants to be, and he can’t look anymore.

He wanted to show them that all it takes is one talent, one special skill that everyone is born with, and they can change the world.  He wanted to show them that continuing on no matter what will not come back to bite them.  He wanted to show them that victory comes in many shapes and sizes.  He wanted to show them that it truly is what is inside that counts, no matter what you look like or sound like or who you want to be with.  And he tried.  He did his best to be who they wanted him to be while still sending his message, but it hasn’t worked.  It hasn’t worked in many years, and sometimes he wonders if he’s crazy for continuing on like this.  He doesn’t want to admit that the goal might be too lofty for him.  Too big for him, even though he is far bigger than so many.  Sometimes he cringes with the enormity of the fanbase.  Where did they all come from?  Why do they all stay?  How many of them understand what he’s trying to say, and how many of them are repurposing what he’s trying to stand for?  And it saddens him to think that there are so many of them out there, but so few that understand.  He wants to know how many there are that do, so that he can be reassured that he has not failed, but he is afraid that the number will look so small against those that do not.  And he knows that some of them will say that his message is not important.  That people have the right to take what they want from him and leave the rest behind.  And this, too, saddens him, because of everything they can take, they usually take the most meaningless of things.  If they have to take something, can’t they take his message and not the basis of his appearance?  But they don’t, and he despairs that many of them ever will.

And sometimes he grows discouraged and considers giving up, but then he remembers:

It doesn’t matter.

He is who he is and he stands for what he stands for, and if people fail to listen, well, he tried.  And yes, sometimes it’s disheartening, but those people are already lost.  The more he tries to spread his message, the more people there will be that will listen.  And even if he only gets through to one person out of a thousand, that will be enough.  There are people out there whose eyes are a little more open and who listen a little bit more, and those are the people he is looking for.  And if he gives up, if he stops trying, he will never find them, nor they him.  And this is why he keeps going, this is why after twenty two years and counting he’s still around through each bad review and harsh criticism and shake of disappointed heads, and if he has any say in it he’s going to be around for twenty two more.     

No matter what, he’s going to keep on running.