LaaC: Part Seventy-Five. The Return

Part Seventy-Five.  The Return

He missed her even more now than he had when he had killed her.

It was worse, somehow, being away from someone who was alive than someone who was dead.  And he was terrified that the facility had gone dark because she had shut herself down.  He was so afraid that he would never see her again.

He had no energy.  All he wanted to do was stay there against the wall until she brought him back.  And then he would press himself into her beautiful chassis and tell her he was sorry and that he loved her and ask her to never send him away again.  He missed her so much it hurt. 

Caroline would try to talk to him every now and again, but he did his best to head her off.  He knew that she was angry with GLaDOS for sending her away a second time, and that she got angry every time he said something about taking the blame for what happened.  She got angry so fast, sometimes.  Just like her mum.  But he wasn’t angry.  He’d been angry, but it’d burned out quickly enough.  He had learned from GLaDOS all these years that being angry only hurt you, and so he’d done his best to let it out and be done with it.  But he’d been stupid enough to bang himself on a panel, for God’s sake, and of course the panels would tell her about that, and she would have asked them to let her see what was going on… not a wall, or the table, or a bloody chair, no, he’d had to go and choose the panel.  Even a camera would’ve been a better choice, because he’d probably have knocked it on the floor and been done with it.

Chell came to talk to him as well, who he preferred to Caroline.  This sent a nasty worm of guilt twisting through him every time he thought of it.  He knew Caroline was trying.  But she had way too much of her mum in her to really be any help. 

Chell wouldn’t say a word about what was going on.  She would tell him about her sons, who drove her mad, or her husband, who also drove her mad.  Hearing about Richard made him very grateful for Caroline.  She would never dare take shelter in GLaDOS’s reputation like Richard did in Gordon’s.  He wouldn’t say much when Chell came to see him, mostly just listening and appreciating the distraction.  He never stopped missing GLaDOS, but it was a little easier when Chell came.

Sleeping was the most difficult part of it.  As always when he didn’t get to snuggle with her for the night, he woke up cold and lonely after a few hours, except now he was sad as well as cold and lonely.  He honestly didn’t know which was worse: staring into the darkness and wanting to cry but being unable to because Caroline was six feet away, or going back to sleep and having one of the dreams that’d begun to crop up.  Now that he was back in a Traumatic Situation, he was dreaming again, but he had no clue what about.  Just that he woke up scared and upset.  Sometimes he would close his optic again and imagine that he’d told GLaDOS about it, and that she’d said something nice and given him a nudge.  Sometimes that would make him feel better, but other times it would make the pain twist inside of him and become even worse.  He prayed every day that she was all right and she would bring him home soon.  He had no idea how long this had gone on for, but he hoped it was coming to an end.  He would check his calendar every now and again, but all he really knew for sure was that a lot of days had gone by.  Too many.  He was afraid that he was going to miss their anniversary.  It was important to him to never, ever miss an anniversary, and if he recalled correctly their tenth one was coming up.  It made him terribly sad to think that he might miss marking an entire decade together.  That was a long time.  He hoped desperately every time he checked his calendar that she would finish up whatever she was doing over there and bring him home soon.

When he woke up that night, something felt a bit off.  He looked confusedly into the blackness, trying to figure out what it was, when he suddenly recognised the loud noise behind him and turned around as fast as he could.  And there she was, watching him steadily from her wonderful yellow optic, and he jumped forwards almost by mistake.  “Gladys!”

“Wait,” she said softly, not allowing him to close the gap between them. 

“For what?” he asked, wanting nothing more than to mash himself into her and never move again.

“I need to talk to you first.”

“Okay, but –“

“I’m serious.”  She moved back and forth a little.  “Look.  I don’t know why you’ve bothered putting up with me all this time.  I’ve been a horrible person and an even worse friend.  I can’t even properly apply the word ‘partner’ to myself because I haven’t done anything all that participatory lately.  And I wanted to tell you that if you want to leave, I understand.  I’ve given you no reason to stay.  I doubt I make you very happy anymore.  So if you want to leave and find someone else, I will not say anything.  Except goodbye.”

“Leave?”  Wheatley asked weakly.  “And find someone else?”

She nodded.  “Someone who will give back to you.  Like you deserve, but I haven’t been doing.”

“I don’t want to leave,” Wheatley told her worriedly.  She didn’t really think that, did she?  “I want to glue myself to you and never go away from you again!  And… actually… that… was a bad way of putting it.  Considering.  The last time.  I was stuck to you.”

“As far as I recall, it wasn’t so bad,” she said softly.

“Gladys, I don’t want to leave.”  He moved forward a little more, almost itching to press into her again.  “I just… I didn’t mean any of that.  I do want to help you.  And I have got more.  I just… I don’t know –“

“Because it was true,” she interrupted.  “I’m not going to drain you like that anymore.  If you choose to stay, that is.  I’ve done now what I should have done years ago.  I’ve prioritised.  But I will not blame you if you do not take the risk.”

“I love you, Gladys,” he told her quietly, and now he leaned forwards on her optic assembly by bracing himself on his upper handle, looking directly into her optic.  “I love you and I’m not going anywhere.  All I want you to do is listen.”

“I’ve missed you, Wheatley,” she said, her voice a little distorted, and she nuzzled him very, very gently, so much so that she almost wasn’t touching him at all.  “I’m sorry for what I did to you.  In the end I did what the humans did to me: I took everything from you and never took you into consideration.  I took your support for granted.  And I’m not going to blame you if you change your mind.  You should.”

“I’m not going to.”

“That’s monumentally foolish, even for you.”

“I don’t care.”

“But I made you cry, Wheatley,” she said, sounding so upset about it he almost wanted to cry right then and there.  He pushed his chassis into her core and tried to think of something to say.  “I broke you down and I made you cry.”

“I guess that was uh, was payment for all the times you made me laugh, then.”

“That… might be true.”  She sounded better, which he was happy about.  “Everything does exist in a balance, after all.”

“Luv… when did your memory problems start?”  He wanted to know, just in case something major had happened he needed to remind her of.

“I don’t know when they started.”  She looked up at him again.  “A major part of my problem was… well… there was an error in one of my simulation programs, and… I couldn’t shut it off.”

“You couldn’t force close it?”

She shook her core.  “I wasn’t running it.  I’d tasked it to another computer.  The computer locked up and I couldn’t do anything with it.  Somewhere after that, I started getting confused as to what day it was.  I actually… kept resetting my clock because I was convinced it was out of date.”

“Oh my God,” Wheatley gasped, staring at her in disbelief.  He’d thought the one thing that would have kept her centred was her clock.  He’d never imagined she’d actually changed it to support what she thought was going on.

“It’s the right date now.  Promise.  Thankfully the core systems run off a clock I have no control over, else I would have had an even bigger mess on my hands.  My figurative hands.”

He laughed at that.  She was perfectly happy to use human idiom, as long as it was clear she wasn’t part of it.

“Yes.  My figurative hands.  Anyway.  I’m not going to bore you with the details.  Suffice it to say that I had a lot of things to fix – actually fix, mind you, not things I thought I had to fix – and it took me a while.”

“A while?” Wheatley choked out.  “It’s been the better part of two months!  I think.  I… actually… don’t really know.”

“It’s been seventy-three days,” GLaDOS said.  “But that’s not all I’ve been doing.  I spent a lot of time reorganising the facility.  It was hard, but I looked at absolutely everything objectively and decided what I really don’t need to maintain personally.  There are still quite a lot of things I do have to maintain personally, but rest assured I’m not keeping an eye on the Extended Relaxation Vaults anymore.  Then I deleted all the useless programs I’d been running, so I won’t be tempted to run them just because they’re programs that aren’t in use.  Which I do all the time.  I don’t know why I do that.  Did. I won’t be doing it anymore.  And then I had to clear the backlog I really did have.  And then…”  She shuddered.  “I had to go through all my programming and delete all of the useless code that’s been generated for the last several years.  That was a nightmare.  I’m still wondering how I functioned at all, with all of that clogging up my system.  There was some permanent damage, unfortunately, but that’s what happens when you forget that your resident idiot’s advice is usually rather useful.”  She gave him a shove.  “And now you know what I’ve been doing all this time.  I really was working.  Not just sitting around browsing .cbr files.  Though I was tempted for a while there.”

“Didn’t sound like you got much sleeping done,” Wheatley said, twitching one of his handles accusatorily.  She twisted her chassis a little.

“Only as much as I had to.  I wanted to get all of that finished as soon as possible, and… well…”

He frowned.  “What?”

She shrugged uncomfortably.  “I… don’t sleep that well without you, anymore.”

That made him rush right up to her and give her a hug, which she had really wanted, as he could tell by the way she was pressing her lens into his chassis.  “Me neither, luv,” he said softly, backing away and flipping himself right side up again.  “So lie down already.”

She did so without argument, and he happily, finally pressed his core into hers and closed his optic.  Ohhh, how he’d missed this.  And though he wanted nothing more than to just go to sleep and wake up still beside her, instead of on a management rail God knew where, he had to ask, “Aren’t you going to bring Carrie back as well?”

“Not right now.”  She nudged him a little bit, though whether she was just shifting or she did it intentionally, he couldn’t tell.  “I want you all to myself for a while.”

“That’s the best plan you’ve had in years!” Wheatley exclaimed, pushing himself into her as hard as he could, and she laughed softly.

“That doesn’t say a lot for my future plan-making endeavours.  I’ll be honest.  She’s going to yell at me when she gets here.  I am not looking forward to it.”

That was even funnier because it was true.  “She is,” he said when he’d stopped laughing.  “She’s quite furious, I’ll have you know.”

“Thanks.  I feel so much more eager now to receive it.”

“Gladys.”

“Mm.”

“I’m serious, okay?” he said quietly.  “I’m… I don’t want to leave.  I know I, I made it sound’s though I was giving up, but… I’m not.  And I never will.  And if I’d had any doubts, well… the last… seventy-three days ran them right out of me.  You’re horribly stubborn and you never listen, you’re always hiding things from me and I wish you’d stop deciding what I need to know, because I need to know ev’rything, but… that doesn’t change anything.”

“I see you came up with those negative traits you failed to come up with five years ago,” she said dryly.  “Should I be concerned about five years from now?”

“No,” Wheatley answered, shaking his core vigorously, “because those’re also good things, sometimes.  You refuse to, to let anyone decide things for you and… well, there’s probably things I don’t need to know.  Or don’t want to know.  But just think I do.  They’re not, they’re not negative, you just… take them too far, sometimes.”

“I’m still perfectly imperfect, then?” she asked, a little shyly, and he laughed and gave her a nudge.

“That’s right.  Perfectly imperfect.  That’s clever, actually.  Wish I’d come up with it.  But anyway.  I don’t want you thinking I’m looking for, trying to think of a way to get out of… us.  I don’t want one.”

“I love you, Wheatley,” she whispered, and all either of them did for a long moment was nuzzle the other tenderly.  “I promise I’ll be better at… it.”

“I’d like that.”

“You probably will,” she said teasingly, finally returning his nudge.  “Luckily you’re easy to please.”

“Hey, Gladys?”

“What.”

“Aren’t you going to bring Carrie back as well?”

“I… didn’t I answer that question already?” she asked, sounding confused and a little bit scared.  He mentally hit his head against the wall.  He needed to keep away from things involving her memory for a while.  She was bound to think it was going wrong again, even if it wasn’t.

“I just wanted to hear you answer it again,” he said as innocently as possible, and felt very relieved when she began laughing. 

“You are such a horrible person,” she told him, giving him a shove.  “Fine.  No, I’m not bringing her back until morning.  Because I want you all.  To.  My.  Self.”

And when he started laughing, she laughed with him, and he rubbed up on her, so happy he could hardly stand it.  “You’re such a selfish girl,” he said joyfully. 

“Going to teach me a lesson?”

 “Maybe later.  I’m quite tired, thanks to you.”

“Glad to see I haven’t lost my touch.  There are only a couple of hours left until morning, though.  So it will be more of a nap than anything.  Tomorrow’s going to be a long day.”    

And maybe it was.  But he didn’t care, because he had his Gladys back and things were going to be better than they’d ever been.

//

When they woke up, he greeted her cheerfully, but did not expect anything similar out of her.  He knew full well that two hours of sleep only made her snappy and irritated and not rested at all, but at least she didn’t say anything.  She only looked at him dully and got up.

He decided he could be patient and understanding for another day and resolved to keep any comments about her behaviour to a minimum.  Atlas and P-body came running in an hour or so later, catching her in a hug, and when she started to scold them he went ‘round in front of her and shook his head.  Don’t take it out on them, he told her, holding her optic in his gaze.  They love you and they were worried about you.  They just want to know that their mum is alright.

She directed her lens at the floor for a long moment, and then hugged them back.  Wheatley smiled.  She just needed a push in the right direction, sometimes.

After she’d sent them on their way, she sighed and shook her head.  “You’re right.  As usual,” she said with a trace of bitterness.  “I’m so tired.  I don’t want to do anything or talk to anyone.  And I still have to deal with Caroline.”

“Have you brought her back yet?” he asked, because he missed her a little.

“She’s here.  I don’t know what she’s doing.  Preparing her rant, probably.”

Wheatley had to admit that was probably true.  “Luv, listen, I’ve had an idea.  What if, instead of uh, of thinking about the, the rest you haven’t had, well, why don’t you look forward to the one you’re going to have, hm?  Doesn’t that sound better?”

She stared at him for a long moment.

“That… is actually a wonderful idea,” she said, sounding a little amazed.  “Yes, that… is a much better plan.  Thank you.”

He smiled broadly at her and went down to give her a nuzzle.  “And don’t worry ‘bout what Carrie says.  Let her get it out of her system.  We want her to grow up knowing it’s better to do that than it is to, to keep it inside.”

“Like I do.”

“Like you did,” he told her firmly.  “You’re not gonna do it anymore.”

“I’ll be better tomorrow, Wheatley.  Right now, I…”  She shook her head.

“I understand, sweetheart.  I can wait a bit longer.”

Caroline came in soon after that, and Wheatley sat across from GLaDOS while she gave her mum a lecture almost worthy of GLaDOS herself.  She berated her for being so inconsiderate about Wheatley’s and her feelings, yelled at her for never listening even though everyone was only trying to help her, and went on for a while about what could’ve been the long-term effects of what she had done.  And she made it terribly clear just how unhappy she was with being sent away again.  Through all this GLaDOS said nothing and moved little, merely watching Caroline and glancing at Wheatley now and then, though he wasn’t sure if she meant to do that or if that just happened to be a position she used to refocus her lens.  Finally, Caroline said, “So?  Are you going to do something about all this?”

GLaDOS just looked at her for a few moments more, then said, “Come here.”

“What?” Caroline said disbelievingly. 

“You heard me.”

Shaking her head, Caroline did as she was told.  When she was within reach GLaDOS leaned forward and pressed her core into the side of Caroline’s chassis.  Caroline went still suddenly, and to Wheatley’s surprise she started to cry.  His hull loosened in sadness as he watched GLaDOS calmly cuddle her daughter, whose speech seemed to have been nothing more than a cover for what she really wanted: reassurance from her mum.  And maybe GLaDOS had known all along, Wheatley realised.  Maybe she did the exact same thing.  But she had taken Wheatley’s advice and allowed Caroline to let out her anger, and then she had attempted to fix things. 

“Momma, I was so scared,” Caroline was sobbing.  “I thought you guys were going to split up and I was going to have to choose between you, and I thought you didn’t love each other anymore, and – “

“No, Caroline,” GLaDOS said softly.  “That’s one problem you’ll never have to face.  I promise.  Everything is going to be all right now.  I’ve finally realised just how badly I was dividing all of us, and hopefully the repair hasn’t come too late.”

“Promise you’ll never send me away again!”

“I promise.” 

“Then it’s fine.”  She fixed GLaDOS with a stare, though what it looked like Wheatley could only guess.  “You better mean it.  You better be taking our help seriously from now on.”

GLaDOS gave her a nod.  “I am.  There’s no dispute about that.  And I assure you I had good reason to send you away this time.”  She told Caroline what she had already told Wheatley, about downsizing the facility, and now Caroline listened and said nothing.  “Now we really can get started,” she finished quietly.  “I’ve made time now.”

“Good,” said Caroline.  “I was getting tired of waiting.  Hey.  You look really tired.”

“I am.  But don’t worry about that.  Tonight I’m going to get the first real rest I’ve had in years.”

“If Dad doesn’t get any ideas, that is,” Caroline said mischievously, wiggling her handles, and GLaDOS made an electronic noise in distaste.

“I’d forgotten what a bad influence those humans are on you.”

Caroline laughed and rubbed up on GLaDOS a little, then backed away.  “Okay.  Tomorrow for real this time, right?”

“Well… it may have to wait a little longer.”

“Momma!”

“It’s a good surprise.  I’m not making up excuses.  Really.  In a couple of days I’ll be finished with that, and then I’ll get started with you.”

“Fine,” Caroline said, not sounding too pleased.  “You have to start by next week.”

“I will.”

After Caroline had left, Wheatley went down in front of GLaDOS, frowning.  “Finished what, luv?”

“My plan for Aperture’s future.”

“And… you can’t tell me what it is?”

“I want to tell everyone at once.  I don’t want to explain it multiple times.  It’s going to be quite a long explanation.” 

Whatever the plan was, it consumed her attention for the rest of the day.  Wheatley wasn’t too pleased about that, but whenever he thought of rebuking her he remembered that he was giving her another day of patience.  It was about an hour or so before the time she usually went into sleep mode when she suddenly stopped whatever she was doing and lay down.

“Are you alright?” he asked concernedly. 

“I’ve been waiting all day.  I’m not waiting anymore.  Come here.”

Happily he did so, pressing himself into her, and she gave him a bit of a nudge and said, “I’m just going to sleep and that’s it.  No accidentally talking for three hours today.”

He laughed a little.  “Alright.  Sweet dreams, luv.”

“I’ll be better tomorrow.”

“I know.  Go to sleep, now.”

She did so almost immediately, and he fervently hoped that she would get some solid rest, for once.  Some good, deep, maybe dreamless sleep, so that she would feel better and be able to think straight.  And he stayed awake for a while, trying to gauge whether she was or not, and so far as he could tell she actually wasn’t dreaming at all.

“Dad.  Hey.  Dad.”

He blinked a few times and looked up, feeling his brain begin to engage.  Hm.  Seemed he’d gone to sleep himself.  “What is it,” he asked sleepily.

“I can’t sleep.”

Well, I can, Wheatley thought to himself, a little irritated that he finally got to sleep with GLaDOS again, and here Caroline was interrupting him.  “D’you want to come in between us?”

“If it’s okay with you,” she said, twisting back and forth a little.  “You don’t seem too happy with that idea.”

“I’m not quite awake, princess.”  He moved over far enough that Caroline could fit in the gap, and then he moved his chassis into hers with a mental sigh.  It was not the same as snuggling with GLaDOS, not at all.  Tonight of all nights she’d picked to be sleepless. 

“Sorry, Dad, I’m still a little bit… you’re not going to split up, are you?”

“Never,” Wheatley said with conviction.  “Don’t you worry.  She’s stuck with me whether she wants me here or not.”

Caroline giggled a little bit, which made him smile.  “Goodnight, Dad.  Sorry to butt in here.”

“S’okay,” he said, half believing himself.  “Goodnight, princess.”

And no, Caroline wasn’t GLaDOS, but it was better than the wall back at Black Mesa.

Part X The Proposal.docx