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Submitted on
January 28
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Stop
Pretending you're a saint.
You're not
You're all
The same.

Stop
Pretending you accept.
No one ever will
No one ever has
I know.

Stop
I can't see.
Through the wall of white
Through the tangled words
Right now.

Stop
Pretending you want honest.
Subjectivity
Is not subjective
The flaw.

Stop
Pretending you see right through.
From the first iteration
From the first of impressions
You failed.

Stop
I can't see
Through the wall of white
Through the tangled words
Right now.

It doesn't matter what's true
It doesn't matter what's false
What matters is how I see it
You know that
And you do it anyway.
Lately people have been walking into me even when I'm not in the way.  I don't understand why, because I'm smaller than most people.  Sometimes all I can remember about anything is this wall of white inside my head, and I either can't talk or I repeat myself over and over again.  This makes people think I'm stupid.  I've been judged a lot for how I act sometimes, to the point of actual rejection, even from people who aren't supposed to judge you.  
Lately I've had so many words in my head (meaning stuff I need to write) that I can't write them all, and when I do manage to write some of them, I think of more.  And I can't ignore them because I can't think of anything else.  It's kind of annoying.
I'm thinking of this one thing I thing I wrote a long time ago, and it goes like this: "He was only as big as the world allowed him to be, and here he felt very, very small".  I can't remember what it's from. This Grey Path I think it is.
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:iconsaturnstar3:
SaturnStar3 Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2014
People tend to talk about me. You know? Treat me different. I hate it. Then, people ask me why I'm so distant. Why I'm so different. And it hurts to hear that. People also reject me for the way I am, but because of this, I refuse to speak.  Crying Yes, I'm actually very quiet, and that causes people to hate me.....Sad fayse. I'm very 'shy' so I can't speak loudly. The fact that I refuse to speak at times also goes with why I can't speak loudly. "Stop Pretending you're a saint. You're not You're all The same." <--That's why People call me stupid. I refuse friendship at times:sadwalk:  But who could blame me?
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:iconiammemyself:
iammemyself Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
People do that to me too, but I didn't care until recently because I didn't notice.  But depending on the situation, I usually just ignore them and go on with the way I talk.  And I actually only really have one friend who accepts me, but he's a good friend, so it's all good.
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:iconsaturnstar3:
SaturnStar3 Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2014
Lucky. I have one person who I wanna call my friend, but something is holding me back. This something is what has let me avoid being ambushed by bullies, though. So, what do I do?
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:iconiammemyself:
iammemyself Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Give them a chance.  I know it feels safer to hang back, but you can't apply the behaviour of some people to everyone. 
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:iconsaturnstar3:
SaturnStar3 Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014
Ok. I have trust issues these days -n- This is why I like games and the internet so much now.....
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:iconiammemyself:
iammemyself Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You gotta take a chance,  man. 
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:iconsaturnstar3:
SaturnStar3 Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2014
:D Turns out we're alike is so many different ways. Thanks for the tip! Apparently, she had the same issue I had with trust
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:iconiammemyself:
iammemyself Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
A lot of people do. 
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:iconsaturnstar3:
SaturnStar3 Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2014
:( I hear ya. Ever since this summer I can't think straight. It's like something is making me zone out.....I'd explain more, but I just can't. Just know that I know how ya feel, Iamme.
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:iconiammemyself:
iammemyself Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I haven't been able to think straight for a long time now.  Thanks.
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