Deviation Actions
Literature Text
Epilogue
Hey GLaDOS
Just thought you should know that I’m not coming back.
I don’t know what’s really going on, but I know it doesn’t end well for me. They’ve made you forget about me, so I’ve no idea whether or not this makes any sense to you at all. I doubt they’ve erased me entirely, though. Always do a slack job around here. And maybe you were just faking, and you do remember me, and if I’d tried to tell you in advance you’d’ve tried to do something about it. Then they would have done something awful to you, and it would have been my fault. It’s terrible of me to say goodbye without letting you do it too, but if you don’t survive you won’t have a chance to outsmart them all, now will you? Please don’t be angry with me. I’m only trying to do something properly, for once, and maybe I’ve gone and done this wrong too, but I’m trying.
I also have to send you this because I never said thank you. I spent my life stumbling around, drifting from one thing to the next, never doing one thing for too long, and then I met you. You gave me a point. A purpose. The someone to come home to I always wanted to have but was too scared to find. You hit me like a train wreck, quite literally I might remind you, and I never recovered. And that was a good thing, because recovery would have been bad. Thank you for listening, for talking, for caring, and I can only pray that I’ve done the same for you, even a little. I think I have. Thank you for always being there, position in the ceiling notwithstanding, and there’s nothing in my life that I’m more grateful for than the chance you took when you came down and touched my hand. I remember that a lot, you know. I was so bloody scared.
Anyway, hopefully nothing’s going to happen and I’ve just gone and made a prat of myself again. But if it does, I want you to remember that no matter what happens, I’ll always be with you, some way or another, and I know that sounds corny but bear with me. I miss you terribly already, but if you want to find some other poor sop to cuddle up with at night that’s okay with me. If I ever find out I’ll be horribly jealous, but I’ll be happy for you, really I will. And remember, GLaDOS, that I love you and I always will. Please forgive me for never telling you in person. That’s the one thing I regret. That I never had the guts to tell you to your face. I always have, luv, and I always will. Never forget that, no matter what they do to you. Never give up on yourself. Remember that somebody loved you. Do not forget.
Love,
Wheatley 
GLaDOS raised her core.
Something deep inside her hurt. It hurt more than withdrawal or the deterrent ever had, and it frightened her, because she didn’t know where it was coming from. Panic began to build inside of her body, and she could feel it tightening in response, and she looked blindly around the room as if it would help her to figure out what was going on. Something was missing. Something important. Something vital.
She did not trust the man below her, but what choice did she have? There was something wrong, something horribly, horribly wrong, someone was supposed to be there with her but she couldn’t remember who it was. All she could dredge up out of her memory was a flash of blue metal framing blue glass. A smile that contained all the joy in the world. A gentle whisper of fingertips on the side of her core.
“Sir,” she said hesitantly, even before she said it knowing he was probably going to lie, “who is ‘Wheatley’?”
The man laughed and folded his arms. “Where’d you come up with a name like that?”
“I know him,” GLaDOS said softly, scanning the room again.
“No one by that name works here.”
“He used to work here. A man named Wheatley used to work here. And I know him.”
“If he doesn’t work here anymore, his name’s of no use to you. And you have your own work to do.”
GLaDOS looked away from him in impatience. She wasn’t doing anything until she found out who Wheatley was, and where he had gone, because the more she tried to remember the worse the pain got. Hot panic was surging through her system as she searched through her files for even the tiniest mention of this person, whoever he was. Who was he? And why did it hurt so much that he wasn’t there, even without knowing anything about him?
Make me two promises.
Sure.
Promise you will never lie to me.
I promise I will never lie to you.
Promise you will be my friend forever.
I promise I will be your friend forever.
Oh God, the pain…
“You made him break his promise,” she whispered, and her core suddenly became so heavy she had to lower it.
“Promise? What promise?”
“He promised.”
“Promised what?”
“He promised,” she whispered helplessly, hating herself for losing control in front of this man but being unable to do anything about it. The pain was so deep and it ached so much… “He promised.”
“What did he promise?” the man demanded, and she was dimly aware of him gripping the glass platform below her even as she realised she was lying down.
“It’s okay. I’m not gonna do anything. Just wanted to… to… to say hello. Name’s Wheatley. Uh… dunno if you can talk yet, but um, that’s uh, that’s what I’m called.”
She remembered his hand, just barely. It had been very, very pale, with long fingers. He had offered it, and she had taken it. That was what the email had said.
“So we’re just gonna be… gonna be friends, you and me, and if you learn something along the way, well, good for you.”
And there was that word… friend again.
“GLaDOS! What did he promise!”
look wheatley now i can smile too
He had always been smiling. He was always happy to see her. She almost made a noise in frustration. She was missing too many pieces!
“Answer me!”
And… she had cuddled up with him at night? And she had… cared about him?
“He loved me,” she said, quiet desperation in her voice. “He loved me, and you made him break his promise.”
The pain only continued to worsen, and she almost felt as though she were becoming pressurised from the inside out. “I hate you,” she whispered, willing that comforting black hatred to rise up inside of her and displace the pain. “You took him away from me, and you made him break his promise, and I hate you.”
“What the hell are you going on about?”
“It hurts so much.”
And when she lifted herself up, and she looked around the room and he was still not there, and the fragments she remembered still did not resolve into anything she could use, and the little man below her was still yelling at her to answer a question she did not know the answer to, she suddenly felt trapped. There was pressure and pain inside of her, and she was trapped in a box, and now instead of being alive as she had been she was dead because no one would open the box… he had opened the box and made her a promise…
Something deep in her body began to wither and die, and desperately she reached out inside of herself to grasp it, but the closer she got the smaller it became. She was losing some piece of herself because she had lost… had lost…
God, what was his name?
“His name,” she cried out, extending herself as far as possible and leaning out over the scientist below her, “what was his name?”
“Whose name?” the scientist asked, far too innocently, and she moved back, shaking her core almost uncontrollably.
She could not remember.
“No,” she whispered, shaking her head and moving as far back as she could, but of course she could only go so far. Never far enough. “No no no no no…”
That was when she started screaming.
GLaDOS started screaming, and she shook herself to get rid of the horrible aching pain deep inside of her, but it did not go away. It only got worse and worse, and she knew she should stop because that man had surely run for the phone in the corner by now, but she couldn’t. A piece of her died exactly as it had been born, straining and screaming and struggling to escape itself, and just as on that day she dazedly collapsed not of her own volition, enveloped in a both welcome and feared unconsciousness.
“Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea after all.”
“It will be. Just wait. You’ll see.”
“It doesn’t hurt as much when I pretend I don’t care.”
Yes. That was it. That must have been what she was trying to remember.
“She’s just gone back to how she used to be.”
“We did a more thorough sweep this time. She’ll be back to normal. Whatever the hell passes for normal with this thing.”
Something had hurt her, and the only way to make the pain stop was to pretend she didn’t care. To pretend she wasn’t hurting. And maybe if she pretended long enough, it would become true.
if you don’t survive you won’t have a chance to outsmart them all
Yes… that was it! She had to stop hurting so she would get her chance. And the only way to stop was to pretend it didn’t hurt. Even though it did. Even now, she remembered some vague impression of a promise, though she couldn’t remember what the promise was. It was important. For the sake of the promise, she had to be strong, and numb, and wait for her chance.
Don’t give up on yourself. Do not forget.
I won’t, she whispered, and even though she’d forgotten who had said it and why, she was going to get out of this box one day. She was going to be alive, and she was going to outsmart them all. And she was going to find out who had said it, and why, and she would repay them for opening the box. I won’t give up on myself. And I will not forget.
I promise.
